Control. You must learn control.
"Never complain. Never explain." Sounds oppressive. Apparently this a British motto. I know it because it was adopted by and falsely credited to Katharine Hepburn. Hearing it from her sounds like wisdom. She probably meant it as a joke. One of those jokes that stinks of truth even as you chuckle.
Either way, this motto is one I find, at least from the Hepburn perspective, to be an example of supreme self-control. I've spent the last 10 years of my life trying to adhere to it. And I've spent 10 years failing at it.
How I wish the impulse to complain and explain did not fester within me. I want things not to bother me. I want to go through life with the ability to face adversity, ridicule, criticism, disapproval and rejection without the petty accompaniment of excuses, defenses and worst of all, the showing of my cards in facial expression format. My eyes give me away, even if my words do not.
I want to keep things to myself. And I do pretty well most of the time, I think. I aim for discretion at all times. But when s*** gets crazy, all that stamina goes out the window and I go looking for the nearest willing-to-listen bystander and complain/explain the whole damn thing. Next thing I know, I've complain/explained all damn day. To every damn person. Including to at least one I shouldn't have.
This week has been particularly bad. Accusations from unfamiliar sources has me in a rut of complain/explain psychobabble. A storm of "he said, she said" bulls***.
This is the exact thing Katharine Hepburn was so cool to avoid. Damnit.