So you have pessimists. And cynics. And skeptics. And worrywarts. And I am certainly all of those. But I am also something that, to my knowledge, has no dedicated term. What would you call someone who, while in a brief moment of doubt, jumps to conclusions of a severe nature? What would you call someone who, when unable to receive immediate confirmation, imagines a worst-case scenario result?
Today I forgot my dog. I forgot him. I intended to send a text to remind someone to let him out and feed him while I was at work and somehow, even though this dog's wellbeing is the number one priority of my day-to-day life, I completely f***ing forgot. It all happened anyway and he's 100% fine. That's not the point.
When I realized I had forgotten to remind someone to remember to do the thing, the first image in my head was this: my dog alone in the dark with an exploded bladder (dead). The second image was even more morbid: my dog ripped in two and bleeding to death in the middle of the street after busting through a window, somehow escaping the yard and getting hit by a car. At no point did I consider that he might be curled up on the couch, zoning out to the classical music I left on for him, patiently waiting for me to return and only slightly inconvenienced by my absent-mindedness.
I've "what-if"ed myself into madness for nothing.
Last week I got into a car accident in which I, though two witnesses have deemed me to be without fault, was the guilty party. But again, that's not the point.
The point IS... I came home to two envelopes- one from my insurance company and one from the other driver's insurance company. I had minor heart palpitations as I braced myself for some kind of colossal bad news as my eyes landed on the words "file suit." The next thing my brain cooked up was me in court, then me in jail and then me getting stabbed to death in jail by a toothbrush shiv. An alternate ending to that would be me getting executed by lethal injection- all for a traffic accident I may not have caused and tried my best to avoid.
For the record, I am not being sued. It is merely a possibility. But until the claim is completed, the possibility of a lawsuit exists. And until that happens, every piece of mail marked with State Farm or Alliance shall be handled with the same grave concern. And I shall inevitably envision a dark outcome for myself every time.
I wonder how much time I waste thinking about all these awful things that are very, VERY unlikely to happen.