Observations, Take 1

May 3, 2018

My blog has taken quite a detour from what I originally intended. I claim to write "Opinions, Observations & Oddities," but I have pretty much only focused on the "Opinions" part of that. I don't know if that's a disservice or not. Frankly, my dear, there has been a lot to be opinionated about lately. And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn what you think about what I originally intended.

 

Still, it occurred to me just now that I have more to exercise my writing/thinking muscle on. So here is a list of observations. Side note: I am a compulsive lister.

 

1) Tonic water is disgusting by itself. Strange that it is so useful in a cocktail. Even stranger that some people like to drink it not in a cocktail.

 

2) I will disinfect the outside of a trash can, but I will NOT make the bed.

 

3) I laughed out loud the other day when someone explained to me what a street taco is. Street tacos make up 90% of my diet, yo.

 

4) No one in the Midwest can make proper chorizo. At least not that I've tasted...

 

5) Despite my devotion to Mexican food, rice and beans are completely absent from my diet. Is that interesting?

 

6) I sometimes go to Ikea just for the lingonberry juice boxes. You can now purchase an entire case of lingonberry juice boxes at Ikea. I feel personally responsible for this privilege. You're welcome.
 

7) The older I get, the more sleep takes precedence over hygiene. I could not have understood that when I was 17. I wouldn't be caught dead without a full face of fresh makeup and a full head of freshly blowdried hair in 2003. In 2018, getting more than 5 hours of sleep is the most precious and rare occurrence- something to be revered, like a solar eclipse or a meteor shower. Any opportunity for quality sleep must be revered and taken seriously.

 

8) It can't be possible that Earth is the only planet in the galaxy with intelligent life. How can we be that special?

 

9) Why do I relate more to characters in novels from the 1800s than people my own age in real life?

 

10) Which Avenger is best? That's easy. Loki. Oh sh*t, maybe it's Rocket... Oh sh*t, maybe it's Drax.

 

11) I sometimes get into a quandary about which European dude is foxiest... Fassbender? Hardy? Stevens? Cumberbatch? Hiddleston? Elba? Harrington? McAvoy? I don't get into a quandary about American men though. Tommy Lee Jones has that in the bag.

 

12) There is nothing sexier than coming home to man doing the dishes. I'm not kidding. All the pheromones in the world can't top a dude with Ajax and a scrub brush.

 

13) Sometimes I'm really proud of Britney Spears for not disappearing into oblivion despite all that she's been through- which is weird because I don't appreciate her music and I think she wears way too much eye makeup.

 

14) I think Gavin is THE biggest idiot for cheating on Gwen. I don't care about Jennifer Aniston or Demi Moore or Khloe Kardashian. You do not cheat on Gwen Stefani. She will sing about it SO HARD.

 

15) The other day it was rather warm and Waze reminded me not to leave my child in the car. I assume Waze was referring to my dog. 

 

16) WHY THE F*** DID ANDROID SCRAP THE EYE ROLL EMOJI? I NEED TO USE IT AT LEAST 10 TIMES A DAY. I NEED IT MORE THAN I NEED RELIABLE DEODORANT.

 

17) I'm so excited to see Donald Glover play Lando Calrissian that I might forget I'm skeptical whether the movie will be any good.

 

18) I would give up any and all government secrets if someone forcibly tickled my feet.

 

19) Prince was probably the most "dope" person that ever lived. I mean, he knew he was cool and no one could tell him he wasn't...

 

20) Tilda Swinton might be the foxiest European dude.

 

 

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