• KO

Observations, Take 2

Themes for today... cuisine. color. history. inconvenience. reminiscence. movies. royalty.

1) Are potato chips sexy? I think they are... They must be, right? Can you name another food that is as universally irresistible (you probably can, but humor me)? I mean, picture an open bag of potato chips. Is your mouth watering? Mine is. The sound of that first crunch...

2) French fries are not as sexy as potato chips. You have to dip them usually. And they are often too soggy or too salty or too short or too burnt. And once they are cold, they do not maintain the same irresistibility. I think I make an excellent point.

3) Do you think the potato knows that it is food's greatest sidekick? Fish & chips. Bangers & mash. Eggs & bacon & hash browns. Burger & fries. There are more, but this post is making my stomach growl and I need a snack break.

4) My hero is whomever thought to make sure the pizza slicer was clean.

5) Muffins are cake! There is no difference! There is literally nothing about muffin mix that sets it apart from cake mix! You are not eating a somewhat healthier-than-cake breakfast pastry! You are eating C-A-K-E.

6) Why is white the color that everyone can agree on for wall color? And don't say because it reflects light. There has to be more to it than that. People used to live in log cabins. People use to live in stone castles. People used to live in brick houses. People used to have wall-to-wall wallpaper. Walk into a vacant apartment today and I guarantee it will have white walls. WHY? WHY THIS BORING, SAFE, BLAND NON-CHOICE?

7) People are so keen on beige. I don't get it. Why is every business, every hospital, every office, every house BEIGE? What a wasted opportunity. Do people really think beige is expressive? Do they think it says something about their ability to welcome or serve? Does no one realize more options- equally non-bold ones- exist? Does no one like grabbing a handful of free paint swatches from Home Depot? THINK OUTSIDE THE BEIGE BOX.

8) Can you imagine writing the Declaration of Independence? I'm talking about the literal act of writing it. My hand cramps up after 3 or 4 sentences on a greeting card. I'm talking about writing an extremely eloquent historical document on parchment paper with a quill by candlelight. That was a lot of work. Physically, that was a lot of work.

9) I can't help but wonder how people were able to wear long underwear and wool during the summer back in the day. I also think about how bad people must have smelled without daily bathing, deodorant or proper dentistry. People used to die from neglecting to wash their hands.

10) I can easily make a doctor or dentist appointment for my dog. I can get honest predictions on cost over the phone. Why can't I get that for myself?

11) I will never understand why night tables are so expensive. It's a little table/shelf/cabinet thing. It's barely a piece of furniture. It holds, like, 5 items total. And you're telling me that I can't even get one at Ikea for less than $80? I can get an entire bookshelf for $40, but I can't get a wimpy little thing with a drawer that's sole purpose is to make sure my smartphone is within arms reach upon waking? What is so special about this stupid, but very necessary little thing that makes it think it can be worth so much?

12) Quickest way to make me angry: hand me an electronic device that does not work.

13) I personally do not like being corrected on my menu selection pronunciation by a snooty waiter, whom I deem snooty by their choice to correct me. But I do feel like there is a way to do it that is educational and not condescending.

14) The fact that Rocky has a such a big crush on Adrian will always be touching to me. It makes me think that anyone can be noticed and fallen in love with. I hate to see young women trying so hard. If they don't see you at your least done-up, they don't see you.

15) How do you feel when you see old school portraits of yourself? I look at mine and think of how awkward I was. I also think of how naive I was. They make me kind of sad. Especially that atrocious phase where I had "bang" (not "bangs").

16) As high school movies go, I think Sixteen Candles and 10 Things I Hate About You are the reigning king & queen.

17) I think Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom will be a complete disaster. I can't wait to see it. It's weird to want a movie to be bad.

18) Hearing about how calm Meghan Markle was on her wedding day made me feel about 300% more anxious about my wedding day.

19) Say what you will about the royals- Queen Elizabeth II has totally won me over by continuing to wear hot pink lipstick anytime she appears in public.

20) The royal wedding outshone the tragedies happening elsewhere in the world. People think it's an atrocity. I don't disagree with them from a moral standpoint. I agree that more must be done. I agree that thoughts and prayers are too little too late. I agree that the fact that this type of massacre continues to happen with alarming frequency is unacceptable. I agree it's a frivolous distraction from horror. But I also look at it this way: as superficial as the whole thing is, it's a love story. Love conquered hate in the news this week. Sweet nothings whispered between lovers got more coverage than types of weapons used. I'm pretty okay with that.

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